Nobody does anything unless it benefits 
them. Man is a biological organism. To 
forget this is to miss entirely the nature 
of human activity. (The essence of any 
organism is to survive.)

Never follow a pressure artist.

Pick your supervisor wisely.

Those who do good work are not 
rewarded; they only get more work.

Don't ask a question unless you 
think you will like the answer.

Don't give any poor ratings. Low 
ratings threaten you as a leader 
(motivate) of subordinates.

Manage your time today. Be sure 
you have the ability to plan your 
own life and career.

Small (not large) successes 
lead to getting ahead.

The rules protect those who 
live by them.

Take the line of least resistance to 
accomplish your objective. Always do 
a least-work analysis.

A sad story can be more potent 
than your abilities; practice one.

Don't worry about technical 
competence.

Watch for all records that are 
kept and score high on these.

Give no indication of other 
outside activities.

In decision making, three-fourths of 
the time your best choice is nothing.

Be positive, positive, positive. Never 
disagree with your supervisor or company 
policy no mater how wrong it is. Nobody 
likes a wet blanket, especially when they 
are right. You can't change anything anyway 
and you will only be seen as a trouble maker.

Go hunting where the ducks are.

Dress for others, but eat for yourself. 
Part of being professional is looking 
professional.

Be sure you have realistic ambitions.

Those who write the rules write them 
to protect themselves.

Beware the gilded birdcage (one that 
looks good but smells bad).

Before you get into a spitting contest 
be sure you have lots of saliva, and be 
sure you pick the time and place.

Eighty percent of all costs to doing 
anything are indirect and may be 
non-financial.

"Come back and see me again, 
when you have more money."

Letters to the file: "I believe I 
must protect myself with this note 
to the file."

If you are going down take as many 
with you as you can.

There isn't any organization that is 
run better than those you are in now. 
(How does that make you feel?)

Be careful when it comes to 
telling the truth.

Be smart enough not to put your supervisor's 
chauffeured limousine on the list of expendable 
luxuries.

Three things determine your success: 
If your supervisor likes you, if you 
are in the right place at the right 
time, and your seniority.

To avoid ulcers keep repeating:
a) "We are not responsible for loss 
or exchange of belongings,"
b) "It didn't happen on my watch,"
c) "I just work here,"
d) "It's not my responsibility,"
e) or "It's not my company"
also learn the other platitudes such as, 
"it's for the good of the company," "we 
live in an age of accountability," and 
"this is the year of women."

Never take no for an answer if you 
are really serious. 

Best insurance policy is a jic 
(just in case) file.

Anytime someone has a fancy, complicated, 
involved presentation they are probably 
trying to pull something over on you.

Water runs down hill.

Anybody who can't be bribed 
can't be trusted.

Start all correspondence: "Ladies 
and gentlemen of the Jury ..."

Never do anything stupid on purpose.

Life in the big city is harsh, cruel, 
impersonal, and non-caring. life itself 
is dirty, short, and miserable.

Those who work in the barnyard don't 
notice the smell.

Never tell anyone your problems 
or your plans.

All opportunities are transient.

Remember, 400 years from now, none of 
this will make a difference anyway.

Do things that make your supervisor look 
good (and/or show him/her something good 
to look at). Your supervisor won't always 
be a nice guy but, being in and organization 
is a lot like being in show business.

Don’t take anyone else's word for anything.

Don't be the first to step forward, nor the 
last, they stand out and are punished. Don't 
ever look as though you are being successful 
or you will be a target to shoot down. You 
should appear to be aiming at the norm rather 
than for excellence.

Never volunteer; you can never complain 
of mistreatment.

Always seek the comfort of reality and 
constantly work at equipping yourself 
to handle that reality.

Winning and losing are all that count, 
and losers don't count at all.

Keep giving your work to someone 
else to do.

Play nice, but win.

Identify your peak workload times 
and try to find ways to shave them.

Nine out of ten supervisors are in 
work over their head. They can't 
keep up with what is happening or 
even their morning mail. If you've 
got a good supervisor you should 
consider yourself very fortunate.

Most supervisors are not ignorant, but 
they think they know a lot of things 
that are not true.

Never tall anyone how much money you 
make. Money has four values: what you 
tell your spouse, your chum, the IRS, 
and what you really make.

Be careful of telling anyone of your 
political affiliation.

A person who is able to avoid situations 
in which they might fail is likely to be 
a success.

If you want a committee to fail at it's 
goal, get it bogged down in details. If 
you want the committee action to succeed, 
send through a trial balloon because nothing 
is ever sent back for more work than twice.

Develop strategies for discrediting information. 
Never admit you did a bad job on anything. Deny 
any charges. Introduce an element of doubt in 
the charge.

Never get involved in anything unless it 
is really important to you. Small things 
will only misdirect your best effort.

If you have to cut back on anything, cut 
muscle and bone rather than fat. The powers 
that be will think you did the wrong thing 
and restore the reduction.

Try to appear as a good scout, who 
is highly motivated, and gets along 
well with everyone.

The person with one watch knows 
what time it is; the person with 
two isn't sure.

Don't tell me what your facts are, 
tell me how you got your facts.

Take no prisoners and leave no witnesses. 
Encourage staff turnover who might have 
critical records against you so none can 
accumulate enough bad evidence to press 
a case against you.

Never steal anything small. Consider the 
probability of detection and if detected 
the probability of punishment.

Military conquest is still the most reliable 
method of expansion. Those who win the wars 
write the history books. Those who are dead 
or lose don't count anyway.

Organizational systems are homeostatic 
mechanisms, for every up there is a down. 
They may even have biorhythms.

Who is mad at you is far more 
important than how many.

Management is a pediatric problem.

If you hit a buried treasure you 
had better keep it a secret.

Hiring people to solve a problem 
rarely results in getting the problem 
solved, but it does employ some people 
which does solve their problem.

Any area studied carefully will reveal problems, 
which if studied more carefully will show more 
and deeper problems, which if studied by experts 
will show that there are many additional problems 
that all warrant more study by more experts. But, 
nothing they find will ever solve the original 
problem or will ever improve upon an existing 
situation. The world never learns and nothing ever 
really happens.

Don't mistake technical competence 
with what you were originally trying 
to measure.

The thought of being hanged if you 
are caught, focuses the mind greatly.

If you are selling, assume consent; if 
buying assume negative. Be sure all 
requests by subordinates are put in writing 
and allow a minimum of several days to 
consider the issue before saying no.

No management really knows how efficient 
their company could be run. They do not 
know the upper limit on their performance. 
They really don't know the market potential. 
Nor do they know accurately the strength and 
depth of their competition.

It can be a bad thing to solve a problem. 
It stops attempts to find a better solution.

The real function of management is to 
learn how to coordinate many technically 
competent subordinates and to be able to 
set reasonable limits on their power. Most 
management’s do this job badly.

A system1 organization has been described 
as the incompetent directing the unwilling 
to do the unnecessary for the ungrateful.

A true friend is someone who will lend you 
$1000 with no questions asked. How many 
friends like this do you have?

You can't be a professional manager; it 
is a contradiction of terms. A manager 
is a bureaucrat and they have completely 
different set of values than professionals.

Only the lead dog gets 
a change of scenery.

Don't let anyone define you as their 
enemy or you define them that way. There a
re no permanent friends and no permanent 
enemies. If you define each other as enemies 
you will set into motion interlocking behavior 
patterns that will then prevent you from 
breaking the definition.

Don't tell anyone else about the Management 
Dirty Fighting Survival Manual or they will 
use it on you.